After the door of the Harmonic Egg closed, I settled into the chair and began to absorb the light and sound around me. My intention was to begin the process of cord cutting in order to locate and release negativity and trauma that I have been both consciously and unconsciously holding onto. I closed my eyes and decided to relax my body by mindfully breathing in positive energy then breathing out negative energy. I hit a roadblock when I immediately realized that I couldn’t breathe anything in before I first breathed out. I couldn’t breathe in positivity until I breathed out the negativity. By utilizing this process, I was then able to breathe out depression, breathe in contentment. Breathe out anger and breathe in peace. Once this rhythm was established, I put out the question, “how do I find these cords?” and began to feel an awareness that today was not the day to cut cords. It really was the strangest sensation. Almost dreamlike, a combination of both feeling and hearing the answer. I continued the breathing pattern, thinking about my past and my future when I came to realize that I was in a grand chamber in my mind. In front of me was a vast table top that had been fashioned from a single piece of wood, taken as the horizontal slice of a tree trunk. The tree must have been gigantic in its time, so large that it must’ve taken several strong men to lift the slice onto the base. The edges still held the bark but the top had been smoothed by eons of use. This knowledge was imparted in such a way that I felt I had always known it. The space around the table was dim, filled with magic and the whispers of the elders, who came before me.
On this vast table top, I saw before me a vessel of roughly hewn crystal. Inside was light. The light was for me. It was my choice, but it was for me. The light moved as though it was a living thing, refracting off the facets of the crystal. I raised the crystal to my lips and drank, and the light filled me, and it pushed out the dark. The light sought out the shadows of grief, anger, doubt, and shame, giving them no place to reside while it was there. I placed the now empty crystal cup back upon the table.
I noticed that beside the crystal cup was yet another vessel. It appeared as though it had been fashioned from a delicate fabric with a diaphanous sheen, and I was told it was love. Once again I was instructed that it was for me if I had need of it. When I picked it up and began to drink, it was thicker than the light and slightly sweet. I was grateful to consume the love and for the opportunity to share it. The Whispers gently admonished me that the love was not to share with others, but to turn inward for myself. The accompanying message was that I should love myself and I felt the love expand inside me where it began to seal the cracks in my soul.
Next upon the table stood the horn of a bull which had been polished until it was gleaming. I lifted up this almost translucent horn, eager to discover the contents. The horn held strength, and as I drank it in, the strength flowed over the parts of me that were strong, even those parts that I had cast aside or had forgotten ever existed in the first place. I drank and my own strengths were revived and amplified inside me.
The next cup made me smile. There in front of me was a cloud. The cloud was floating just above the surface of the table, soft and white with bits of blue sky and rainbows playing through it. I knew immediately that this was happiness and I excitedly picked it up. As was the gossamer cup that held love, so did this cloud have form and function. I cradled it in my hands, like a bowl, and raised it up to drink in the happiness. As it moved through my body, it began to wear away the dull film that had formed over my ability to experience joy or contentment. I was not filled with glee. It was more subtle than that. It floated through me as gentle reminder that it was time for me to be happy again.
I was overwhelmed as I felt that the blessings I was being given were more than I deserved. The Whispers reminded me that this was my space. They pointed out that my vessels were different than those provided to everyone else who stepped before the table. Everyone was welcome to the table, and the gifts were given freely. I was encouraged to continue, and before me stood a chalice which sparkled with the multitudinous stars in a sky which was otherwise devoid of light.
It was dense matter, and I instantly knew it would be weighty. It was not cumbersome, but much heavier than the others. In the chalice was wisdom. As I drank of it, the contents filtered through me as if through a sieve. The knowledge I had attained and the myriad of opportunities for me to learn so much more rained down over me. The wisdom that I was not yet ready for, and might never be ready for, was caught in the sieve, and returned to the chalice.
The Elders whispered, “Trust... Trust”.
Next was no cup, no vessel, no chalice, only the section of a small stream, clear and cool, flowing over smooth stones. On the banks of the stream grew moss and a complex network of small plants all relying on one another to exist. The stream was existence. As with all streams, I was reminded that it was never the same stream twice. Constantly moving, the water would go on with or without me, as it had and always would. It was mine to decide when to dip my hands into the water and to drink as much and as long as I wanted. My thirst for being was quenched and it was as though I was the stream, and the stream was me. I couldn’t control the volume of water, nor its speed, nor destination. I could, however, be refreshed whenever I wanted to. I could visit the stream or merely sit on the bank to contemplate that which I could control, and that which I could not. I was most grateful that I had been gifted this wisdom because even with it, the water in the stream was by far the most difficult to comprehend and to accept for myself.
I was of course aware that there were more gifts ahead of me, but I was full for the time being. I expressed to the Whispers how grateful I was to be brought into this space and to be asked to the table. The Whispers told me that the table would be there for me whenever I needed to visit. I could not make out the gifts ahead or the containers that held them but through the Whispers, I thanked the Universe for them anyway. The Whispers told me to turn and look back so that I may see where I had been during this part of my journey. To my amazement all the vessels; the cups, the cloud, the chalice, and the horn had all been filled again. Not only were there gifts ahead, but those I had received just now would be there again for me whenever I felt the need. My task was only to remember the way back to the table and to remember that I was worthy of the gifts.
-M.
